Insecurities of a Deja Vu

There are times when you reflect back into a snapshot of what’s happening in your life right this instant, and these times don’t just happen for the sake of happening, for one has to be actually aware, prepared and ready to face decisive actions or decisions that has to be made when it actually arrives, otherwise we’ll face a “complacency period“, a term I use to describe time wasted that could otherwise be made into good use.

Today I’m found myself being in this situation, where I had my “moment” just early this morning as I got up from bed, right before moving to the toilet to wash up. It bothered me more than I thought, and continued to shadow my thoughts as I drove up to work. While proceeding to perform my daily routines, it plagued my mind more than ever and so I thought I’d give it a place in my blog. It’s about time I pin point the priorities of life in my long term goal to take over the world. Heh.

1. Serving Others

Now I’ve always been a strong believer of serving the needs of people, regardless of gender, age, background or other factors. Nevermind where you come from, or whether you are deserving or not, it’s typical me to provide help whenever I can. In fact, last Friday I had an Indian man coming up to me and requesting for monetary help, claiming to be the cost of his motorbike’s wheel replacement cost. I provided him with more than the amount given, and I wanted to see whether he’ll actually do anything to repay me back when he can, so I just gave him my card, some $$$ and turned around like a cool person would.

Yes, some might call me naive, some might say I’ve been used many times, but trust me, I’ve never been disappointed (except maybe once or twice) and most of all, I’ve always achieved pure happiness when results do show, that there IS something to be proud of to do what I did. I think I’m not assuming too much when I say I’ve many great friends whom I did as little as lending an ear to, who’d come to my help without me requesting for it. For that, I’m deeply thankful to them, and to God for blessing me with their presence in my life.

i once carried a lighter everywhere i went so that i will not disappoint random street passerby’s who may ask for a light for their ciggies

Honestly, I don’t think I deserve any of them. I’ve never claimed to be a very good friend, and deservedly so. However I still take heart from their sincerity for there are loads who do not even expect anything from me. And I can assure you, its great things like these that keeps me going strong, and that very same strength is what I return to all of you.

2. Nation Building Factor

Ever since I was roped in by Firdaus into UKEC, I never thought my “wanting to help and serve the Malaysian community” principle would come into such a good use. Being involved in projects that tackles issues such as the Brain Drain, Career Development, Nation Building awareness, MERCY aids and more has pretty much brought up my credibility among peers and others alike.

One day I will most probably write a detailed account on how we managed to get UKEC to where it is today, though right now it’s helmed by other people, I hope it will always stay true to its direction. We’ve created controversies and achievements that we’re proud of, and now we’re continuing our efforts locally here through the Young Corporate Malaysians, which we hope to launch soon.

The controversies on Jeff’s blog:
When UUCA is out-of-coverage overseas (my face here :P)
When UUCA is out-of-coverage overseas… ( 2 )
(of course my real personal happiness was fulfilled when jeff put my face on his blog :P)
and more of course!

The achievements?
The First Malaysian Student Leaders Summit held in Nikko (upcoming one here!)
UKEC Careers Fair for the last 3 years
Projek Amanat Negara for the past 2 years
and many more, which I feel contributed to the recent change of times in Malaysia.
(again my personal achievement was fulfilled cause i was able to e-mail to around 10k of students in United Kingdom and EIRE for updates, thus extending the number of ppl i can help with, and of course, for them to know my name wahaha)

3. Residential Community Factor

As a committee of our Bandar Utama 6 Residential Association, and soon-to-be BURA as well, my contribution has been recognized and many-a-time I was able to use some of my “skills” to contribute here, where I feel so blessed to be welcomed by the committee. More to come.

4. Going forward with Corporate Style

Young Corporate Malaysians is something the seven from the previous UKEC committee came up with, cause as we found ourselves working for corporate companies back home in Malaysia, none of us felt we could leave our past behind, thus the creation of YCM.

More details to come.

5. Alma Mater Responsibilities

I’m still waiting for the AGM to materialize, as Dato’ and I have already spoken in terms, and the coming of me into the current Imperial College board of Alumni is much anticipated. Ideas are floating, planning will be interesting and the outcome would definitely spark a lot of interest… Again, something I’m looking forward to!

6. Striking into the New Media Age

When Ewe Tiam was explaining to me aeons ago regarding his Nuffnang idea, I was overwhelmed by it and I wanted to help him see it through. However thanks to a setback in my university life, I was unable to dedicate myself and so I politely got myself out of the picture. But proud I was as I saw his idea materialized and grew to what it is right now, and with it I think I melded into the situation and without realizing it, I suddenly found myself being friends with a lot of blogger celebrities so naturally.

I guess I was in a really special position to be able to make it this far in the blogosphere, a position where I could garner support from popular bloggers *coughjoshuaongcough* to get me a new laptop completely free, to travelling to Bali and Camang Waterfalls with household name bloggers like KY, Suanie, KimCun, ST, pinkpau, Kenny, IQG, FA and Cheesie. Not forgetting knowing people from the Media like Shaz of Astro, whom I’ve forged a close bond with, and Zain of the recently popular RandomActs (KL Freeze etc). Definitely a position envied by some people I know 😛

More about this soon.

7. Relationship Factor

Something that has been plagueing me, priorities between friends and family has always been one of the hardest to tackle. I should say it is exactly this factor that I’ve corrected temporarily so that my vision in life that has been clouded a little has began to dissipate, enabling me to take a good look at my life snapshot as a whole again. Sigh, I’ve come a long way in this, and I think I’ve emerged out a strong winner 🙂

More to come too.

8. Career Factor

This is by far the most important, as it is one’s life task should one want to be able to take care of their loved ones, and of course, themselves. Career wise, I’ve been in the lost for a few months now, though I’m really blessed to be where I am currently, especially for a starting graduate. This, would right now be something I need to solve in order to continue towards my greater ambition, and also would be the hardest. Effect wise, this factor could possibly change my life direction, style and aim, so I’m very careful when dealing with it.

In fact, while writing this post I feel as though it is the very same issue that has caused me to initiate this super-long entry which I’m sure is too long for a normal read, while the post style is very unlike me as well. I guess at times I do secretly want this blog to be my personal diary, and here it is, presented to you in all glory, unashamed if any one of my dreams should come to pass unfulfilled, and if it does, it is for all of you to rejoice with me and share my happiness, pride and glory (by belanjaing you, yes, that is what I most often do when I feel the sense of achievement lol).


Anyway it’s been a far too long post. I think there’s a 9 or 10 somewhere, but it’s past my time to go back for a swim now. Tonight I’ll be sleeping at home, and be mulling over what I can do, plan it, and execute it once again knowing there’ll be support wherever I go and whatever I do.

You just can’t blame me for being overly optimistic about my own life, if you know the things I’ve been blessed with… Sometimes it gets so unbelievable even… Let’s quote something from Vironia:

No I don’t think you’re naive. There’s a big difference between the words naive and being optimistic.

Naive is when a person is living happily without any feeling of worryness, thanks to being oblivious to his or her surroundings, orto put in one term, ignorance – as they say, Ignorance is bliss

Being optimistically driven, however, comes from knowing the situation, both internally and externally, and being able to identify, sort, and come up with the best of solutions to know that anything can be done, and that’s what I see in you.

This came from someone whom I just met in 2 weeks. A very risky judgement to make, seeing that we’ve not known each other for long enough a time, however she admits that she came from a not-so-fortunate background and have grown to be strong against fate, battling all kinds of issues that would have broken her otherwise, and so I accepted her words with all thoughtfulness.

Thank you Vironia, and until then ladies and gentlemen, I’ll close this post with the result of my experiment from the beginning of it all: the indian guy never came in the end, much to my dismay. lol.

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He is an avid blogger at Spinzer.uS and lives 24/7 on Twitter by the moniker @spinzer. Left Investment Banking to pursue the unleashing of Malaysian Gen-Y's hidden talents by founding the EYE (Empowering Youth Endeavors) Project. He co-founded the Young Corporate Malaysians and assists RandomAlphabets in his spare time. He plans to build a socially good empire out of his social media consultancy outfit called in a bid to turn the world into a better place by 2020.

15 CommentsLeave a comment

  • sigh. too bad about that social experiment that didn’t turn out well – for that reason, because we can never distinguish between genuine cries for help and one on the other side of the river, and as selfish this sounds, i never help complete strangers monetary-wise.

    your serving others hit a chord that i’ve completely forgotten. especially that quote: “i once carried a lighter everywhere i went so that i will not disappoint random street passerby’s who may ask for a light for their ciggies” rang so damn true because that’s what i had wanted to do LOL. i can count the times such an incident happened while I was travelling.

    though my only regret is out of knowing you is.. i don’t think i’ve helped you at all throughout the time we knew each other. you helped me more by listening and offer opinions and advices, to which im very very grateful for.

  • thanks for linking wehh and after reading this whole post… i dun deserve dat link wehhhhhhh or maybe u could just put more cough there bah.. maybe like one whole paragraph of cough cough cough cough…

    and yea… keep it up bah.. ur life =)

  • clem, true that. and trust me, it is enough that you are there whenever i need a companion to talk to, because i think you and i are so alike in many ways 🙂

    that’s good enough a blessing for me, you know. and for that, thank YOU!

    cheesie dear, didn’t mean tht for Kimcun la, dun mengumpat pls hehe… and aiyo RM30, small price to pay to know the current situation of kindness ma 🙂


    joshuaong, you’re worth every link I have for you here, never doubt it.. and thanks for the encouragement 😉

    kyliemc, you mean in public, i had quite some serious conversations with you already too. you’re one person i’m very lucky to have met too! 😀

  • what i think the best thing about all this is that you have a specific direction as to where you wanna go, what you wanna do. there are things you both love and are good at, and you know what those things are. that’s always an excellent sign!

    for me, i don’t have those things nailed down yet. i’m getting very impatient because i know i should be doing something, but i dunno what’s the best thing i can do. so i end up spending my days trying to make it through med school and doing whatever little i can to spread my “optimistic drive” to those around me. i never feel that’s enough though.

    perhaps it’s the tension i have between my studies and the things i know i am good at – leading, encouraging, counseling. spending time on those means losing out on academics, and med school isn’t exactly a walk in the park. sigh. still, i hate using the excuse of “i need to study” for not living to my potential and giving whatever i can to my friends, family, community, church.

    anyway, from what i gather from friends who have been to the msls, great job with what you’re doing! i think my sec school friend markus is also in the organising committee. it’s always encouraging to hear the way he speaks about malaysia and what we can do here, eventhough we’re “young”. i personally feel what makes us most powerful is our youth and optimism and altruistic desires.

    as for the man who did not return your favour? i think your money and intentions were well-invested anyway. =)

  • Totally agree with kylieMC!! what a serious and personal topic…
    With slightest intention to tell us what he has done – realise??

    But you are great,seriously…Being so target driven and knowing what you do and charge all your way to it..

  • haha.. took so long for me to come back into the 08’s (not 80’s).. Hmm.. somewhat I see myself as to the target driven person too.. like you..

    Well I got an extra someone to look up to now.. *smiles*

    Jeffro’s last blog post: Something’s not right..

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