Pei Shan, Victoria, KY, SImon and myself

 

Yes, ladies and gentleman, I met my first wife in a clubbing event. Who is she? Still cannot recognize after viewing the picture below?

I don’t blame you. She was heavily made up, Gothic-style. One of her favourite past-times. I kid you not. You can try asking her but I cannot guarantee you’d be chopped up and served in one of her many fav Char Siew Fun dishes. Yes, she is none other than our popiuler Suanie.

We didn’t really get to know each other well that day. Even during our mamak session afterwards. All I know was that she could do things no one else can. For instance, she could call for a Burger Ramli and get it delivered straight into her hands, and in any way she demands! Like, how often do you see something like that!

She also calls the guys at the mamak stalls by their nama glamour, for instance, one of them was called Jon Bon Jovi… Why? I don’t know, he looks nothing like him! But hor, when he did something to make her angry (though I don’t know how she could be angry, so angelic face ok) he ran away straight away and hid behind the stalls… and later smsed her to apologise. PHWOAR

Anyway the truth is… she just took me in as her first husband. I had no say in it, completely. All her kulis were around, and I didn’t even had time to think. You know, like the Ah Long show, SAME THING LA! (except I’m not so sissy.. right guys? ) The next thing I knew, I had to fork out 20k per month like some kind of protection contract!! Like hell I don’t even EARN that kind of money okay!? So they decided I can start paying after 6 years of working, while enjoying the benefits of being Suanie’s first husband. wtf.

One of her Kuli, Mr. KY

Below is an excerpt of our MSN conversation:

See, I know it sounds like an innocuous chat, but really, the truth is she’s already threatening me for 5k JUST FOR FREAKING COMMENTING ON HER POST! Sigh… so now you know la… better you vote for her now at this website. Just click on Swifty’s “Chicken Rice Mystery” and press VOTE. Or suffer the consequences. *shudders*

Well that’s the story of my first wife, Suanie the Gangster. Why do I feel like somebody has already made a movie out of this?